there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
