shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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