How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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