It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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