She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
