Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize