shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
