i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wear drunk well.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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