yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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