I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
