nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
