booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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