make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
