What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
