soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
