Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
