Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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