she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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