She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize