My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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