STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
