JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
