Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
