its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
