Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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