don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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