I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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