Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
