Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
