im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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