yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Damn victory sex feels great
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
