He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
