just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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