dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sober January is a disaster.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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