walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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