My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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