Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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