have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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