sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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