I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
