you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
