September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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