We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
