i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
