A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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