you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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