Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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