There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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