did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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