so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
