People with herpes should wear stickers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
