Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
then he tried to convert me to islam
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
