Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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