I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
