Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
