Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
