I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
