Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
