There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
