Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
