make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
