I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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