I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
