drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
