so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
