next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is wine microwaveable?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
