your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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