he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
