Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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