okay pat passed out under dana's car
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
