Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
