At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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