Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
