I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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