The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
