Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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