JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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