I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
