good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
