you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
