My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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