I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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