i already hear my dad disowning me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
