Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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