the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
