Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
