I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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