She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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