I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
